Whining Men?

I've been invited to participate in a panel discussion next week.  Part of the discussion will respond to an online video highlighting some important issues related to men's health and status in America's culture.  To view the video, go to the following link: Some Real Men's Issues.

I would like to hear others reactions to the video.

For me, I started off thinking about James Brown's "It's a Man's World" and ended feeling like maybe it isn't anymore.  In this post-Obama, pro-feminist, anti-hyper-masculine world that focuses on metrosexuals and man crushes, are the concerns expressed in the video simply of bunch of men whining about the world?  Or, is there some legitimacy to the real problems men face?

Since becoming middle aged myself, I am confronted with colon exams, fears about prostrate cancer, stress, job satisfaction, relationship worries, and anxieties about failing attempts at fatherhood.  In general, I feel confident about my accomplishments in life and can always see areas of needed improvement and strides that I need to make.  However, after watching the video, I was left with the real feeling that there are huge, herculean issues collectively men need to pay attention to related to what is means to a man.

Let's first start with my beefs with manhood. I'll call it concerns about hypermasculinity.  I am not saying that there aren't men out there who embody all the stereotypical, real men qualities without fail.  I believe those individuals are the exception and not the rule.  They have a place in our community and culture.  At the same, the professed über-strong, aggressive, hairy, and virile man reflective in the caveman motif is championed in the minds of some as the standard.

My problem with hypermasculinity is that the expectation to meet that standard does not allow for boys and men to be emotional, intelligent, reflective and introspective, caring toward others, and anything that is perceived as feminine. Repeatedly, I hear stories on the radio, online, and television images of boys and men that dominate our society telling men and women how boys and men should meet the standard.

The other extreme seems to focus on a super "feminized" standard that women reportedly love as best friend, harmless, non-aggressive push over who wants for nothing but the time and nonsexual affection of women.  These men are non-intrusive, ask for little, ideal for comforting women especially when feeling alone or need the attention of a heterosexual man without the hangups or unreasonable expectations of a romantic relationship. These stereotypical men are placed almost immediately in the friend zone.  BFF!

If I were a women based on the complaints I've commonly hear about insensitive, over confident, wanna-be-pimps, titty bitty in the pants kind of men, you know, I might prefer the super feminine example.  If true, considering the physical and sexual abuse women and girls report throughout history, I might be inclined to want this stereotype of the anti-man.

Neither of these stereotypes of men are accurate and they do not settle the issue of how to improve relationship between men and women let alone relationships among men as well.  I'd submit that the issues mentioned in the video actually have some validity.  There are some I had never seriously considered while there are others I simply do not agree with.  The good thing about the video is that it reminds men and women that we are neither without flaws nor invincible in a harsh world where we may be at greater vulnerability than we may allow us to consider.  It is a reminder that our concerns may need special attention and should not overshadow the needs of women and children.  I am reflective of how important it is to be mindful of my unique experiences as a man while also finding ways to share with others my fears, triumphs, failures, loves, wants, frustrations, and desires without consequence of social isolation and reputation for sounding like a typical man.  There needs to be a place in our society even with our concerns about political correctness to voice what is means to be man and respond to the needs of boys and men. It reminds me that we need to broaden our expectations about being a man across a spectrum that includes those who may identify as transgendered, asexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, and/or queer.

My hope is that when I participate on the panel others may find some agreement and saunter through the process to find a series of male models of manhood where boys and men can thrive. Any comments or feedback are appreciated.